When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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