Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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