last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
