just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Barsexuality is the new black.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
