Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
