She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
