my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
