oh god the rape fog is back!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
