So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
