I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
