high people should be assigned attendants
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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