Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
