I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
