god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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