He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
