I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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