the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize