We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
