I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
