yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
