I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
