i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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