Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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