God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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