She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
