I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Maybe he injected his testicle?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
