i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
