so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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