I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
