I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
