Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
