I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
