So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
