So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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