I'm gonna have a badass scar
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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