She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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