his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
