i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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