you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
