on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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