I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
