im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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