mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
