she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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