Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
