I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
