im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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