dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
