Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
