I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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