if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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