Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
