Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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