I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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