she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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