Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
