I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
