Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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