her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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