don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
