bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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