I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
