Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
