So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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