those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
