I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
