I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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